A group of us guys gets together Thursday nights to share life and build relationships, and this Thursday we met in my cabin. Good times. Now that people other then myself are going in there, I really wanted to make it nice.
With painting on the brain, I got out my old bucket of muddy brown paint that I wanted to put up on the walls. I had thought about using it before, but really didn't want to use the brown color. The brown would be better than the light yellow though, so I decided to use it anyway.
On my way to Walmart to get a roller, I got an inkling to take a peek at Home Depot and see if they had any returned and discounted gallons of paint. Lately I've been trying to hear God's voice and to know what it sounds like in my life. So thinking it could be a God thing I drive into Home depot.
There on the counter is a gallon of deep, rich green paint. (Did I mention that Thursday night we were talking about a green for the walls?) There it was, a $5 gallon of paint, premium paint with the two-in-one primer, a gallon that would have cost over $30 the employee said. The green was dark though, almost grayish and a little on the cooler side with some blue tones. Almost didn't buy it. I had her take the lid off so I could see a bigger view of the color and I grabbed a tan swatch about the color of the couch my buddy Dan gave me. Beautiful combination.
When I got home I was excited. When I started to paint I got frustrated.
The cabin has white trim on the walls and I took them all down on the first wall to keep them white. As I painted, I knew the white trim would keep the room from looking too dark, but this paint was dark! I like design and I like color, I even took an intense color theory class--I picked this paint and it sucks! I'm a bad designer and a bad artist. I just kept going though, I couldn't leave the one wall half done.
I got the wall done and put back the white trim. It looked ok. I decided to keep going but began to worry when I saw how much paint I had left. I used almost a half gallon on the one wall. I wanted this project to be a relaxing day of painting with my Father and meditating on His goodness, but I was missing that part. I kept painting and kept getting more mad and frustrated. When I remembered my original goal of painting and spending that time with God, I really saw how much this all was bothering me.
I've been learning pain is our friend. There are always deeper reasons behind being in pain, or frustration, or feeling hurt. As we look into the pain and dig deeper with our Father and the Holy Spirit, He'll reveal what He needs to heal. The hard thing is, I don't like to feel pain. I want to do anything I can to make it go away. Most of the time it means doing something stupid just to numb it.
I'm painting the last wall with these things running through my mind along with the worry about running out of paint.
"God I surrender. Multiply this paint, like the story of the woman with the jars of oil. Why not, You can do it. And I want enough paint to finish all the wall and have it look good; to not have a reason to skip over the sections behind the curtains. God You provided this paint, why would you provide half way? Why would You just give enough to do two walls well, and one wall junky? That's not like You."
One verse that has been on my mind constantly is Romans 4:18-23.
[Abraham'] who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, "so shall your descendants be" And not weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about 100 years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He promised He was able to perform.
My Father is big. Psalms 24 says this King of glory is strong and mighty, mighty in battle. My Father keeps His promises.
So I'm looking at this paint and remembering:
My Father is providing for me and not just providing half way. My healings and my freedoms, He's not just going to go half way. This good work He has started in me He is going to bring to completion! And His completion finishes it all and it is 100%, my Father has enough to cover behind the curtains. My Father said what He is doing and He is able to perform those things in my life.
The cabin--now a sweet man cave. The color is amazing and I would have never picked it. The whole room looks better. All the stuff I had in the room looks better. The brass lamp, copper-ish metallic curtains, the deep red-ish wood furniture, the chandelier, the plaid and wicker accents all look amazing and just sing.
My Father keeps His word, provides fully, and is strong and loving all at once.
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