People need people.

Last night I had the perfect idea to save some money, I would cut my own hair! Genius! So today after work I got out the scissors and the trimmer. I started with the scissors trimming my hair around the edges; it was looking really good. Then I thought I would clean it up a bit and use the trimmer; it started looking not so good! I cut the hair on my right side way too short. Knowing I was only making things worse, I decided to yell upstairs to my mom to help me. 

All I could do was laugh and not get angry at myself. Normally when things don't go my way I tend to get really angry. Most people who know me would say I'm hardly ever angry, but this is an inside anger. Anyways, I didn't get mad at the situation like my typical response, but I took the opportunity to try to find what God was wanting  to show me (I just was reading about that in The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge).

What I found was I need people. 

I know that I need people in my life; I've been already finding that out as I grow up. But this was different. It's really hard for me to ask for help and most of the time it's hard to allow people into my life. I'm finding it's a necessity though. I know I cant make it though this life alone and that's becoming more and more real to me. Times like this give God the chance to heal that part of me.

So now I have another really short haircut, it's ok though because I really like it thanks to my mom.

Something worth fighting for.

I have this song by Shawn Mcdonald that I just love. Someday I want to play it at my wedding reception for my first dance with my future wife. Every time I hear it, it makes me think about that part of my future. The song always puts back some hope into that part of my life too, a remembrance to keep fighting and to keep pushing forward.

If I want something bad enough, I know I need to fight for it and sometimes I forget about that. I forget how much of a fight fighting is. I forget I'm in a war for my soul that I cant see, that there is a real enemy who wants me to quit and die. I also forget how much of a victory I have in Jesus Christ.

The choices I make in life are either going to move me forward in the Lord or not. Am I going to do my part and fight for the dreams and passions the Lord put in my heart or am I going to forget that there is more to my life than just myself?

I cannot sing you a song
about what happens when you're gone
my whole world seems to fall
and I don't feel like myself at all

I must confess that its true
that I'm nothing without you
We are two souls turned into one
cuz without you I feel undone

I cannot sing you a song
about what happens when your gone
everything around comes crashing down
I find myself on the ground

Shawn Mcdonald, Ripen, Confess -- right now a love song to my Lord.

Hearing God in campfires and rainy nights.

The beginning of this week I took off time from work to start a Wilderness Week. I wanted a time by myself to try to get centered back with God. I packed up my tent, canopy and a bunch of food and walked across the lake to set up camp. I'm finding I'm most at home with God in the outdoors, it's where I feel closest to Him.

The morning had been rainy but now it was all clear and I knew I would have no problem starting a fire. I had everything perfect: pine needles, twigs, branches all in the perfect pile. With one match the fire took off perfectly. There is such a satisfaction in creating a fire, especially a nice one. I left to grab a few more dead branches to have ready for later, but when I came back to my fire all that was left was a smoldering pile of ash surrounded by a tee-pee of black branches. My perfect fire was pretty much out.

I tried for over an hour to get the fire back to a healthy state of burning alone. All I could do was try to add more needles and twigs and blow my lungs out. The fire was fine for a bit while I was blowing on it, but when I stopped all it did was smoke. My whole childhood was spent around camp fires and there was no reason why I would have this much trouble making it work.
I've been finding that when something keeps happening over and over there is usually something God is trying to tell me.

God what do you want to show me? I know in my life I want to live in a place of closeness with God, to have Him breathe His breath of life into me. I want to live the abundant life that Jesus promised. I know I need His breath of life, I cant live by my own strength.

But am I like this fire? Going to God for His breath of life one day and the next finding myself dead and in a place of coldness? That's not abundant life. I'm not sure what God is trying to show me here, but I'm finding I am in constant need my Lord.

That night as I was getting ready for bed I started to feel a few rain drops. Knowing that a larger storm was coming I took my tent, my super small leaky dome tent, and put it under the canopy for the night. As I was inside almost asleep it began to pour. Even though my tent leaks I was able to sleep in peace; all of the heavy rain was hitting the larger canopy above me leaving me safe and dry.

What a picture of my life. When I feel the first few drops of an incoming storm where do I run? The Lord promises rest under the shadow of His wings and protection for my tattered, leaky life. The storms and certain situations in my life are too heavy for myself and yet I think I can handle them myself. I am so in need of my God, a God who is so much wiser and stronger and loving than me.