thoughts.

So one thing I wonder, now that I linked this to my facebook, does that mean an update will be sent to every ones wall saying I put a new post? I don't know if I want that...

Well, it has been a long time since writing here. I think like two months, dang. So much has been happening in my life that I didn't even know what to write or really have time to write. But tonight I'm having a cup of peaceful cocoa waiting for the washing machine to finish and just feel like writing.

I think the biggest thing to happen since I last wrote was SALT. SALT is a huge regional conference for Chi Alpha campus ministries. A group of us drove down to Sioux Falls. The roads there were horrible and we had to spend an unexpected but blessed night in Redwood falls. Our campus pastors have strong roots there and it was great to see into their history so to say. Lots of amazing people there. The whole trip was a trip of amazing people. We all grew so close and had such a great time together and we all came back different people.

There was like over 400 young adults all desperately in love with Jesus. It was amazing and so beautiful.

I'm not even sure what to write. I'm not even sure what "got" from the weekend, but I know I'm different. I know I need my Jesus and my Father and now I've been seeing how much I also need the body of Christ. I need these people around me, I need people. I always thought that was a bad thing. But it's not. I'm just so afraid of being that "needy person." You know, that person that "sucks the life out of you." I've heard people describe people that way and it scared me. It scared me a huge amount. Just another thing that keeps me from getting close to people and that's really bad for me. But my God is huge, come on! I don't like that lie and that label and I don't want that fear keeping me from healing. I don't know.

Also my whole spirit left stronger, like everything that was holding me back from living and freedom and abundant life was gone. I have never felt so strong and at peace in my own body. Like I really felt freedom and peace in my body once I was home and that is huge. I am so needy for my God. I need Him so much.

I need Him so much as a Father. Ive knew it before but I really want to have it sealed on my heart. Because there was a peace there that I so desperately want that I got a taste of. A peace more real than the peace you get from a cup of warm cocoa. A peace more whole than a canoe ride with no worries floating in your mind of what you left at home to work on. You know, a place of rest and total security in the arms of Father God. Sitting on His lap tight in His arms with my head on his chest as He whispers and sings His songs of love over me. And in that place of real love a place of no fear or wanting of lesser things. I hate lesser things. These lesser things suck.

I want my Father and to know God like that. I want the good things He has for me, cause He really does have them. I want that peace. I want His green pastures. I Want Him so bad.