Good.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone. Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" -Jesus, Matt. 7:7-11

When I ask Him He gives.

When I seek I'll find.

When I knock it gets opened.

My Father God has good gifts for me.

This is my invitation to ask. He wants me to ask. He really whants me to ask Him for what I need. He will hear. Its not me asking when I'm in need and He's like, "yeah, ok I guess, whatever." I'm not a burden to Him. No, He wants me to ask; He says ask.

I am His son and He's not finished with me yet. I'm asking for whole healing, not half way. He promised, I'm asking, and He says "yes and amen!"

You wont relent until You have it all

Last night at worship we sang the song 'You wont relent.' This year we used that song to create human video/drama/movies at camp. There were some amazing and powerful videos. Anyway, while singing the song I got a movie idea of my life like those. I guess you could say it could be a vision. 

In the movie I was going through life like I have been the past few years. But here in the movie I was holding my heart in my hands and in certain situations I was tearing chunks of it off piece by piece. It was leaving my hands bloody and pieces of my heart missing. And the blood wouldn't come off my hands. All I could do was wipe it on my shirt, but that didn't help either. Slowly I was giving my heart away.

I just graduated from college in May, and I'm just starting to see what a tole it took on my life. People keep asking me, "What are you doing now, what will you be doing?" My responses are always a bit different, but right now I'm purposefully not jumping into a career because I want my heart back. I'm not actively looking for a job because I need this time to just get rejuvenated and healed up. I've made mistakes, but thank you Lord I can move foreword. So the past few weeks have been really awesome and I have been getting my heart back. I'm rediscovering my Jesus even though I never lost Him. I'm falling deeper in love with Him.

So in this movie I saw myself taking the steps to get the pieces of my heart back and I got them all. "Now what Lord?" I'm getting my heart back but what do I do next? 

He wants them. The Lord wants all of my heart back. So I hand over the torn bloody chunks of my heart to my Father and He takes them. But He isn't done. He takes a towel and wipes my hands clean of the blood I couldn't remove. Then He gives me a new clean robe to replace my bloody hand-smeared shirt.

What else can I say? How can I go back to living the same way after that?

 

Trials.

I've been seeing a commercial lately about those steamed, microwavable dinners. The ones where they make it look like there is a whole kitchen and team of chefs inside the bag that you put in the microwave; they look pretty good. Then they say "Cook a delicious meal... without even cooking at all!"

Cook a meal without cooking. Wouldn't it be awesome if everything was like that? Write a paper without writing, read a book without reading, grow without growing.

I'm not even sure what I am trying to write, but I know I keep getting reminded of the Book of James and how he talks about trials in our lives. How when we go through trials to count it as joy. Count it as joy because that testing of our faith produces endurance/perseverance/patience, and that patience leads to maturity, perfect/complete/lacking nothing.

I so want to be mature in the Lord and to be the man He sees in me. I want to be walking without fear in all the things He has planned for me. I want to be joined to the Lord and be one spirit with Him. God is too good though to just throw me in the microwave and call me good. I cannot understand the things He is bringing me though, but James says I can ask God for wisdom and He will give it.

Trials bring growth.

God gives wisdom for trials.

God's grace is sufficient for me.

His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I am not my own because I have been bought at a price.

This is a crazy time, but it is so good. It is a hard time, but I'm sick of worrying and not embracing it. Joy because I'm not who I was! Joy because I can be joined to the Lord! Joy because I can have less of me and more of Him! Joy because He is becoming more and more of my rock and foundation! Joy because the battle belongs to the Lord! Joy because He is bringing a hope and future! Joy because trials hurt, but His promises are yes and amen! Joy because He is my Father! Joy because I have a chance to become more like Him!

Times.

Live Borderless, LG

Thought this was pretty amazing, so good.

This and that.

When it snows for the first time // I go out to catch it on my tongue.

When I don't know how to spell tongue // I try every possible way to spell it until I get the definition and the right word.

When Ronald McDonald comes into work at 7am, busting though the door practically yelling and I'm still half asleep and he has a bright white face with bright red hair // My heart skips a beat and jumps out of my chest, then I just have to laugh.

When my allergies and nasty nose try to come back // I remember I'm healed and I use my Netti Pot to wash my sinuses. 

When I forget how close God is // I mess up.

I am so in need of my Jesus. He says when I seek Him // I will find Him. 

This has been a crazy last few months and it seems like I don't remember what seeking God means. It sounds crazy because I love my God and I have given Him my everything. What else can I do? I guess actually give Him everything, not just say that I have to sound good or make myself feel better, or say it one week and take it back the next.

He is so jealous for me and wants all of me. All. Even the parts I don't know how to give.

myself // death

Jesus // the way, the truth, and the life.

Promises.

I worked this morning at 6:30am. When I get into town it's always still dark and that makes working all the harder. The only thing that makes getting up that early and going to work worthwhile is the hope of a sunrise out the store's windows. This morning I saw an orange strip of light forming and I knew it was going to be a good one.

In between orders I watched as the eastern sky got more and more bright: orange, purple, yellow. It was truly the most amazing sunset I have ever seen all the mornings I've worked or awakened early. It's things like that that are a kiss from God--so special. And when I couldn't think it could get any better, the entire sky was starting to turn orange. Every cloud I could see was covered in the warm glow.  And then when I thought it couldn't get any better than that, I started to see a rainbow forming in the west. It wasn't even raining or had been raining yet this morning and here was a huge rainbow growing longer and longer in the orange sky.

Five minutes later it was gone, ten after that the sky was gray.

My Father loves me even when He knows I'm about to spit in His face and still gives me good gifts. My Father keeps His promises even when I can't see them and end up breaking mine.

I can't understand it.