bucket of paint.

Across the yard from my parents house is a little shed, or cabin as I like to call it. I've been slowly taking out all the junk and making it into a space to get away, pray and relax. Came together pretty good.

A group of us guys gets together Thursday nights to share life and build relationships, and this Thursday we met in my cabin. Good times. Now that people other then myself are going in there, I really wanted to make it nice.

With painting on the brain, I got out my old bucket of muddy brown paint that I wanted to put up on the walls. I had thought about using it before, but really didn't want to use the brown color. The brown would be better than the light yellow though, so I decided to use it anyway.

On my way to Walmart to get a roller, I got an inkling to take a peek at Home Depot and see if they had any returned and discounted gallons of paint. Lately I've been trying to hear God's voice and to know what it sounds like in my life. So thinking it could be a God thing I drive into Home depot.

There on the counter is a gallon of deep, rich green paint. (Did I mention that Thursday night we were talking about a green for the walls?) There it was, a $5 gallon of paint, premium paint with the two-in-one primer, a gallon that would have cost over $30 the employee said. The green was dark though, almost grayish and a little on the cooler side with some blue tones. Almost didn't buy it. I had her take the lid off so I could see a bigger view of the color and I grabbed a tan swatch about the color of the couch my buddy Dan gave me. Beautiful combination.

When I got home I was excited. When I started to paint I got frustrated.

The cabin has white trim on the walls and I took them all down on the first wall to keep them white. As I painted, I knew the white trim would keep the room from looking too dark, but this paint was dark! I like design and I like color, I even took an intense color theory class--I picked this paint and it sucks! I'm a bad designer and a bad artist. I just kept going though, I couldn't leave the one wall half done.

I got the wall done and put back the white trim. It looked ok. I decided to keep going but began to worry when I saw how much paint I had left. I used almost a half gallon on the one wall. I wanted this project to be a relaxing day of painting with my Father and meditating on His goodness, but I was missing that part. I kept painting and kept getting more mad and frustrated. When I remembered my original goal of painting and spending that time with God, I really saw how much this all was bothering me.

I've been learning pain is our friend. There are always deeper reasons behind being in pain, or frustration, or feeling hurt. As we look into the pain and dig deeper with our Father and the Holy Spirit, He'll reveal what He needs to heal. The hard thing is, I don't like to feel pain. I want to do anything I can to make it go away. Most of the time it means doing something stupid just to numb it.

I'm painting the last wall with these things running through my mind along with the worry about running out of paint.

"God I surrender. Multiply this paint, like the story of the woman with the jars of oil. Why not, You can do it. And I want enough paint to finish all the wall and have it look good; to not have a reason to skip over the sections behind the curtains. God You provided this paint, why would you provide half way? Why would You just give enough to do two walls well, and one wall junky? That's not like You."

One verse that has been on my mind constantly is Romans 4:18-23.

[Abraham'] who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, "so shall your descendants be" And not weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about 100 years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He promised He was able to perform.

My Father is big. Psalms 24 says this King of glory is strong and mighty, mighty in battle. My Father keeps His promises.

So I'm looking at this paint and remembering:

My Father is providing for me and not just providing half way. My healings and my freedoms, He's not just going to go half way. This good work He has started in me He is going to bring to completion! And His completion finishes it all and it is 100%, my Father has enough to cover behind the curtains. My Father said what He is doing and He is able to perform those things in my life.

The cabin--now a sweet man cave. The color is amazing and I would have never picked it. The whole room looks better. All the stuff I had in the room looks better. The brass lamp, copper-ish metallic curtains, the deep red-ish wood furniture, the chandelier, the plaid and wicker accents all look amazing and just sing.

My Father keeps His word, provides fully, and is strong and loving all at once.

In my pocket and my heart.

Here's a look inside my pockets today and the verses I've been dwelling on. I keep getting drawn to the Psalms. I was feeling bad about it because it seems like the Psalms are always so good and nice. I wanted something real, you know--something convicting and harsh I guess. God is good though and knows what my heart really needs.

Last week I came to the verse about the fullness of joy found in His presence and the pleasures forevermore at His right hand. So nice and good. Too nice and good I thought, that's why under that verse on my post-it note I put another verse about fearing the Lord. It seems like I didn't want myself dwelling just on God's goodness. It seemed like eating just candy or something.

Now this Friday I was watching the Bethel Church worship service from last week Sunday (on ibethel.tv)and Bill Johnson started out with a few short words to say. He talked about how some verses are just waiting to be adopted. Verses waiting to be found and captured up into someones heart. One of the verses he used was the verse God brought me to earlier that week. The verse saying, "In Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Wow, I thought. I can actually hear God, and God is actually directing me and I'm not just looking for touchy-feely verses. God is such a good God, such a good Father and He really wants me to know that. From today, "Keep me as the apple of Your eye" David wrote in Psalms. That means he was already the apple of God's eye if he's saying keep me there. I'm already the apple of God's eye right now. That's such a special thing, such an amazing place to be in. That I'm loved and special to God; I cant even understand how I am that. I don't even know what "apple of Your eye" really means.

I just looked it up:
"The original meaning of the apple of your eye is the pupil, or the round black spot in the middle of the eye. It is as if that person's reflection can be seen in the pupil ("apple") of your eye. Example: "Everyone knew they would get married someday. She was always the apple of his eye.""

"The apple of your eye is that person (or thing) that you care for the most. Example: "He sure does love his little boy." Reply: "He's the apple of his eye." Example: "You got me the bracelet I wanted!" Reply: "Yes, I knew it was the apple of your eye.""
goenglish.com, Pocket English Idioms

And there is a confidence building in me when I am in this place of His goodness. There is a healing building in me in this place of His goodness. He's making me whole so He can use me in ways I've never imagined yet.

Good.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone. Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" -Jesus, Matt. 7:7-11

When I ask Him He gives.

When I seek I'll find.

When I knock it gets opened.

My Father God has good gifts for me.

This is my invitation to ask. He wants me to ask. He really whants me to ask Him for what I need. He will hear. Its not me asking when I'm in need and He's like, "yeah, ok I guess, whatever." I'm not a burden to Him. No, He wants me to ask; He says ask.

I am His son and He's not finished with me yet. I'm asking for whole healing, not half way. He promised, I'm asking, and He says "yes and amen!"

Promises.

I worked this morning at 6:30am. When I get into town it's always still dark and that makes working all the harder. The only thing that makes getting up that early and going to work worthwhile is the hope of a sunrise out the store's windows. This morning I saw an orange strip of light forming and I knew it was going to be a good one.

In between orders I watched as the eastern sky got more and more bright: orange, purple, yellow. It was truly the most amazing sunset I have ever seen all the mornings I've worked or awakened early. It's things like that that are a kiss from God--so special. And when I couldn't think it could get any better, the entire sky was starting to turn orange. Every cloud I could see was covered in the warm glow.  And then when I thought it couldn't get any better than that, I started to see a rainbow forming in the west. It wasn't even raining or had been raining yet this morning and here was a huge rainbow growing longer and longer in the orange sky.

Five minutes later it was gone, ten after that the sky was gray.

My Father loves me even when He knows I'm about to spit in His face and still gives me good gifts. My Father keeps His promises even when I can't see them and end up breaking mine.

I can't understand it.