Closer and closer.

So like I mentioned last time I've been keeping scriptures in my mind through out the day, and I talked about the change it has been making in my mind. It really is amazing. But tonight it was like God asked me a question.

I had to look at the reason why I am doing this. What is my reason for keeping scriptures in my mind through the course of the day? And more importantly why am I on this journey that I am on? Why am I walking the way I am walking right now and not where I was four years ago?

I think my intentions started out right, but somewhere they changed; and in the case of keeping scriptures in my mind, the intentions changed real fast.

I don't like pain. I don't like to have to fight. I don't like to have days that feel like struggles. In my own body I will do anything and find anything to make my life easy for me. What have I been looking for the past four years? What have I been looking for these past two weeks? I'm looking for anything to make me better. I've been looking for something to make me feel better.

I don't want to feel better. I want to know my God intimately! I want to know Him!

I don't want to use the things of God to make myself feel better. I want to use His word, His power, His presence to get closer to Him and to know Him more and more closely and intimately. What else do I need, wouldn't that one thing take care of all this junk?

God.