The beginning of this week I took off time from work to start a Wilderness Week. I wanted a time by myself to try to get centered back with God. I packed up my tent, canopy and a bunch of food and walked across the lake to set up camp. I'm finding I'm most at home with God in the outdoors, it's where I feel closest to Him.
The morning had been rainy but now it was all clear and I knew I would have no problem starting a fire. I had everything perfect: pine needles, twigs, branches all in the perfect pile. With one match the fire took off perfectly. There is such a satisfaction in creating a fire, especially a nice one. I left to grab a few more dead branches to have ready for later, but when I came back to my fire all that was left was a smoldering pile of ash surrounded by a tee-pee of black branches. My perfect fire was pretty much out.
I tried for over an hour to get the fire back to a healthy state of burning alone. All I could do was try to add more needles and twigs and blow my lungs out. The fire was fine for a bit while I was blowing on it, but when I stopped all it did was smoke. My whole childhood was spent around camp fires and there was no reason why I would have this much trouble making it work.
I've been finding that when something keeps happening over and over there is usually something God is trying to tell me.
God what do you want to show me? I know in my life I want to live in a place of closeness with God, to have Him breathe His breath of life into me. I want to live the abundant life that Jesus promised. I know I need His breath of life, I cant live by my own strength.
But am I like this fire? Going to God for His breath of life one day and the next finding myself dead and in a place of coldness? That's not abundant life. I'm not sure what God is trying to show me here, but I'm finding I am in constant need my Lord.
That night as I was getting ready for bed I started to feel a few rain drops. Knowing that a larger storm was coming I took my tent, my super small leaky dome tent, and put it under the canopy for the night. As I was inside almost asleep it began to pour. Even though my tent leaks I was able to sleep in peace; all of the heavy rain was hitting the larger canopy above me leaving me safe and dry.
What a picture of my life. When I feel the first few drops of an incoming storm where do I run? The Lord promises rest under the shadow of His wings and protection for my tattered, leaky life. The storms and certain situations in my life are too heavy for myself and yet I think I can handle them myself. I am so in need of my God, a God who is so much wiser and stronger and loving than me.
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